I survived..the exam..and the break-up. I don't often talk about my personal life, which makes some people see me as a dark horse or something. It's just the way i was brought up I guess. It's not thatI am secretive or that I have anything to hide. I am just the kind pf person who can take in a lot and can just as easily discard them and move on. I don't like having a lot of baggage on my shoulders and I try to keep going. But, breaking up with James has probably been one of the hardest things I have had to do in my life. There have been times I have thought things could not get any worse, and for a while I felt that way. I loved that man, and I truly believe he loved me too. We got on so well. Maybe too well. We laughed until we could laugh no more, and then it all just slipped away from us..slowly..so we didn't see it coming. But, I can't pretend to be happy when I am not. He broke my heart and I can't go back. We can't go back to the way things were. I want to be nice and say perhaps I was partly to blame. But, he should have talked to me about things before seeing that girl. I can't describe the way I felt when I called his home number and heard that girl's voice. I lost it. Completely. It's all a blur now, but I felt like all life and soul had been drained from me. I just put the phone down and made my decision then. I didn't say a word. I didn't need to. It was over. We are through. He is emailing me like a crazed virus. Why should I reply? What's there to talk about? I don't think 'closure' is always necessary...lol..Is it?

One good thing has happened to me though. I passed my exams. I was shocked. I was so sure I had failed and was bracing myself for failure. I even prepared a speech for my work colleagues if they were to ask what happened. perhaps I underestimated myself? But, maybe it was just luck and the Lord was looking out for me.

I have neglected PTC. I have neglected my friends. I have so many messages on my answering machine and voicemail asking me where I am and why I have been so quiet. One guy has been counting how many times he has been phoning me and not getting hold of me..lol...Well, I really shouldn't be laughing, should I? Well, I am slowly getting back onto my feet, and I am sure things will work out. Work is ok. I am used to the place and the people, which makes a huge difference. Only a few weeks to go then I am outta there! But I am bloody exhausted!